Archives for category: Journal

Probably not, but I am going to write something anyways. I’ve been doing some of the Gymnastic Strength stuff each week. Not as much as I’d like, but I always have high expectations. Gotta grab some health insurance this next month or 2 so I bet I’ll have something to write about my experience with that.

In the mean time, here are some random things I have learned recently:

  • Hold a Stretch for at least 2 minutes.
  • Check out Sleep Cycles by Neat Beats
  • Confronting people in person, briefly, about dropping out of text conversations gets them to start responding.
  • It doesn’t feel like much to pace for 2.5 miles in your own home.
  • Living near Ducks is very satisfying.

When I get really Depressed I have a tactic that almost always works. I sit down and start making a list that will define the morning of my day. It is a morning routine that I plan in minute detail. It works even better when there is a nighttime routine also.

Last time I made it I had 28 steps to follow on a sheet of paper I kept next to my bed. I followed every step without thought during the next 2 hours and by the end I was confident, accomplished valuable daily goals, and fed for work. After 4~5 days I felt okay again and stopped following the plan so I could spend more time with my Girlfriend at night. There have been times where I lived this way for months.

One of my big challenges is finding a way to do something like this while having a significant other. I value people over systems, but the system is perhaps the most important tool I have for fighting depression. Honestly, that is a topic that might take years to figure out. Right now I have something else in mind.

I’m not sad enough to follow my routine.

A weird idea, right? However, I find that I am happy enough right now that it isn’t this do or die importance pushing me to sit-up and drink water and start the routine. I wake up or go to bed whenever because things will be alright and nothing terrible is going to happen if I don’t. I’m not going to spend the day in bed, or miss too many meals, or lose my job cause I didn’t follow the routine. If I were depressed and struggling, then I’d also be forcing myself to hold onto the routine by my finger-tips just to keep my lifestyle afloat until calmer times.

I need a way to connect those darker times to why I follow a routine whenever I have the chance to follow one. If I could just make the routine my Default way of living through the first 2 hours of my day. I bet I could also cut down on the time depression steals from me.

I was listening to a podcast interview of Seth Godin by Tim Ferriss and they were talking about how to write well. Seth mentioned starting and regularly writing in a blog. He clearly meant writing a blog to say things about the world and how things will turn out, but I’m not ready to do that yet. It did make me want to write more often. Write more terrible stuff. So eventually I will write something good.

Paragraphs and Poems

Laying in my bed I was thinking about the first time I learned how to write a paragraph. Really the beginning of my learning to write anything that wasn’t just practice of how to write a letter or learn grammar.

A paragraph begins with a statement of it’s purpose. After that you write about supporting ideas, which I think of as premises, that make that statement a reality. Finally, the paragraph wraps up what it said in some sort of synthesis, and has to be three sentences long.

I really enjoyed sitting and thinking about the first time I learned about paragraphs. I have no idea where I was other than guessing by the school I went to etc. etc.. However, I can almost hear the voice of the woman explaining it to me. I wonder how many times people think about these sorts of things? Do published authors think back to when they learned the structure of a paragraph, or the first time they were required to think up their own 5-paragraph essay?

I think about whether there is anything more complex, in prose, other than the paragraph. Essays work in a similar structure. Research Papers have the same Thesis, Premises/Evidence, and Synthesis. Poems are entirely different. Fiction even does a similar activity with foreshadowing and other devices. I’ve written poetry. I’ve attempted to finish many research papers on-time. I kept excellent journals. Almost the only thing I’ve written in most categories, besides things you could actually make money from, and I often feel like you are always writing a Paragraph or a Poem.

Just felt like writing something on here. I’ve been building some habits over the last month. Mostly I am back on the wagon with daily meditation. Usually 20~30 minutes a day but I got up to an hour today.

Been planning a workout and nutrition plan for Spring, so I can jump onto something as soon as the we reach the equinox. As I did in the Winter, I am basing my exercise and health on Taoist health practices from The Yellow Emperor’s Classic. Mostly that meant doing almost nothing in Winter. Now I need to build flexibility and endurance. I am not certain what that will include other than that I am interested in using HIIT principles or workouts.

Thankfully today I did not wake up with a low glucose. So I didn’t wake up feeling like I was dying his time. It was nice.

I learned some more Japanese. Finally Pronounced Schuykill Sandwich correctly. Saw some of my good friends at the coffee shop.

I am going to start eating really boring meals in order to practice some stoicism. I got into a habit of making really great beans and meat bowls last year. However now I won’t eat the beans without that 1-2 hour process. So I am just going to have beans with salt, and maybe some bacon grease I have saved up from my last package of bacon. Once I finish my current loaf of bread and gallon of milk I will try doing a more strict idea of stoic meals.

http://theancientwisdomproject.com/2014/02/stoicism-day-12-the-stoics-would-not-instagram-their-meals/

Well, things have changed, but not much internally. I still don’t have direction, despite looking for it. I stopped writing here, and that is a shame. So, for now, I’ll just write my thoughts and not try too hard to write well as long as I post more often.

There is one thing I have been keeping up with. I am still studying Japanese using the Fluent Forever system. I am enjoying myself and am finally moving from the Pronunciation Trainer stage to the Vocabulary stage. Kanji is hard, but much more fun than English letters and words.

I fell out of both my practice of meditation and my workout routine, and really almost every routine I had. Despite that my Glucose levels have been in-range for longer than any point in the past 10-15 years.

I’m writing this post to get started and also because I am a little worried that I might be going into another cycle of depression soon. Hopefully writing will help me stay out of it and remind me of things I am getting done. I mean, before I wrote this post I had forgotten how well I am doing with Japanese and Glucose Averages, so it seems to be working.

I hope everyone who reads this is having a good Holiday Season 🙂

Websites:

https://fluent-forever.com/

One of the things that is always unnerving about the days where I listen to my intuition and just let my mind take a break is how empty those days feel. Generally they are not empty. However that does not stop the end of the day feeling strange and lacking.

Today I saw an old friend, I laid out in the sun surrounded by beautiful women, I had a conversation with the owner of a local business I love, I listened to an incredible guitar folk musician, I cooked myself a few meals, I got back in touch with yet another friend, had a conversation with someone I love, and even got some cleaning done. It was actually a very productive day. The only problem is how peaceful it all was. I even had good control over my glucose levels. It was probably an excellent day. Just…..so peaceful….

I think this is what puts people off from meditation or getting their mental life in order. When you are happy but not ecstatic it feels so flat. It feels better than being upset every other day or being constantly on the edge of an anxiety attack, but not the first day. The first day it feels like falling asleep in a hot bath and waking up to the water being that strange lukewarm experience where you stand up and feel wet instead of clean.

So, this is the stuff I am into at the moment:

1. At the advice of Ramose Daskalodos I am going to try and restart any habit that has fallen apart on the New Moon. Hopefully getting some umph from the timing, and reducing my down time from 1 month to 3 years down to 2 weeks.

2. Those habits are going to be a certain meditation, proper timing of my Longterm insulin, Cleaning my sink every night, using my Lumosity subscription each day, Studying for an hour each day, and balancing my “check book” each friday.

3. http://www.mrmoneymustache.com/ has caught my interest after Tim Ferriss linked to an article about the guy on Facebook. I like his ideas and have considered adopting a similar plan once I get more of a job going.

4. I’m going to get a Christmas job. Start interviews on Monday, hopefully the first one is a success and I can just prepare for that job.

5.  Listening to Caribou on repeat. http://youtu.be/vNOdF4zh9Kg

6.  I’m recalling 6 dreams a morning, soon to be lucid ones. Been closer every night.

I’ve been doing alot. Beating depression that was supposed to have died years ago, working hard for better grades in college, learning to utilize my dreams for various purposes, and maintaining some old friendships. I have not been working out or writing on here, though. Hopefully that will change soon. We’ll see.

So, I mentioned that I have had some trouble staying on track. This week I purposely did my workouts different days so I wouldn’t be sore when I went to hangout with my girlfriend. The bad part is that this one day I moved my workouts around changed how I was thinking about workouts in general. A weird loss of direction that I have seen myself repeat over and over in countless hobbies. This time I want to think about it some before it causes any real problems to see if that introspection will lead to a resurgence of discipline or insight into the problem.

The first thing that popped into my head when I thought about the timing of my workouts this week was the tops I played with as a kid in my Paupau’s rec room. They were old fashioned wooden tops that you wound up with a string and then held just right on the hard wood table to pull the string and watch the alien twirl of the toy. As I watched them I always loved the moments when they began to wobble. I tried to spot the very first moments of their demise. My workout this week looked to me more like the full shaking back and forth of the top’s death throes.

With that image in mind I realize that I need to ignore any outside influences, any ideas that it is too late in the day or that I am already tired or I have eaten too recently. Like Cobb’s top from Inception I needed to ignore all of reality and rules that might distract me from my beautiful unaging children and just go for it like I haven’t noticed a thing. That is why I just did a workout at 10:30pm, which historically makes it super hard for me to sleep, and is likely why I am writing a blog post instead of sleeping. However I am back on schedule today!

Next week I need to keep this up. Sometimes I let myself come up with all sorts of reasons of not wanting to be sore(I know, that is a pitiful reason) or because other responsibilities come up and I have poor time management. The most dangerous option is to ignore my workouts with the idea that I am doing something more important like meditating or studying for classes in the coming semester. Yes, those ARE much more important, however they are not stopping me from working out and acting as if they are is just insulting myself.

Something I let hold me up over the last year was a stupid idea that I NEEDED certain situations in order to do my workouts, like I needed to set up my gymnast rings or I needed to find a place tall enough for me to hang without my feet on the ground. These were easy things to find, tree limbs and swing sets and problems solved. The issue was that I made excuses. The swing sets were to thick of bars. The tree limbs near my house were either to high or made getting my gymnast rings down a living hell. (A homeless man once went to nighttime construction crews around town to find me a ladder to get down a gymnast ring that accidentally got stuck in a tree.) However thick bars are often sought after, and tree limbs are in abundance if you just ride your bike or drive for a few minutes in ANY direction. I am not stopped by real physical barriers like my diabetes, however little psychological walls can feel like they are thousands of yard tall.

 

However, right now, I am on schedule. All I have to do, is be on schedule when Monday comes.

 

Also, because of the inception reference, check it out: http://inception.davepedu.com/