Archives for category: Journal

So, I mentioned that I have had some trouble staying on track. This week I purposely did my workouts different days so I wouldn’t be sore when I went to hangout with my girlfriend. The bad part is that this one day I moved my workouts around changed how I was thinking about workouts in general. A weird loss of direction that I have seen myself repeat over and over in countless hobbies. This time I want to think about it some before it causes any real problems to see if that introspection will lead to a resurgence of discipline or insight into the problem.

The first thing that popped into my head when I thought about the timing of my workouts this week was the tops I played with as a kid in my Paupau’s rec room. They were old fashioned wooden tops that you wound up with a string and then held just right on the hard wood table to pull the string and watch the alien twirl of the toy. As I watched them I always loved the moments when they began to wobble. I tried to spot the very first moments of their demise. My workout this week looked to me more like the full shaking back and forth of the top’s death throes.

With that image in mind I realize that I need to ignore any outside influences, any ideas that it is too late in the day or that I am already tired or I have eaten too recently. Like Cobb’s top from Inception I needed to ignore all of reality and rules that might distract me from my beautiful unaging children and just go for it like I haven’t noticed a thing. That is why I just did a workout at 10:30pm, which historically makes it super hard for me to sleep, and is likely why I am writing a blog post instead of sleeping. However I am back on schedule today!

Next week I need to keep this up. Sometimes I let myself come up with all sorts of reasons of not wanting to be sore(I know, that is a pitiful reason) or because other responsibilities come up and I have poor time management. The most dangerous option is to ignore my workouts with the idea that I am doing something more important like meditating or studying for classes in the coming semester. Yes, those ARE much more important, however they are not stopping me from working out and acting as if they are is just insulting myself.

Something I let hold me up over the last year was a stupid idea that I NEEDED certain situations in order to do my workouts, like I needed to set up my gymnast rings or I needed to find a place tall enough for me to hang without my feet on the ground. These were easy things to find, tree limbs and swing sets and problems solved. The issue was that I made excuses. The swing sets were to thick of bars. The tree limbs near my house were either to high or made getting my gymnast rings down a living hell. (A homeless man once went to nighttime construction crews around town to find me a ladder to get down a gymnast ring that accidentally got stuck in a tree.) However thick bars are often sought after, and tree limbs are in abundance if you just ride your bike or drive for a few minutes in ANY direction. I am not stopped by real physical barriers like my diabetes, however little psychological walls can feel like they are thousands of yard tall.


However, right now, I am on schedule. All I have to do, is be on schedule when Monday comes.


Also, because of the inception reference, check it out:


Today I was out doing some chores for my mom. Just picking up some stuff to fix her bike and get some groceries for the next day or two. I went to Walmart first, for the bike parts. I don’t really like Walmart, so I head to a Publix nearby to grab the food. I got there, had some delicious pork tenderloin at those little “meal station” things they have in the front right of Publixes. The potatoes were too hot and I almost burned my mouth. I went on and got my bananas and yogurt and other healthy stuff. I’m at the very end of my shopping looking for raisin bread for mom. I look down.


My shopping cart is gone…


I saw a guy on the aisle when I stopped by the bread, but I didn’t look at him, I don’t even know what color shirt he had on. His cart, with some plastic cups and plates, is still in the aisle, facing the opposite direction of me. He would have had to come around to get my cart and walk off with the load of yogurt and fruit. I start wandering around the store quickly mumbling “What the fuck?” under my breath while overly exercised soccer moms glare at me if they hear me. SOme glare at me just because I seem to have a purpose to my movement, I’m not sure why that bothers them, but it seems to. I go toward the milk corner, but no luck, everyone there has their own carts and they look at me untrusting because of how studiously I examine their carts.

That would be a great prank wouldn’t it? You see a friend in a grocery store, but they haven’t seen you, so you just duck your head and grab something big from their cart and hurry away. How would they react? You aren’t really stealing anything. They don’t own it yet. Maybe it is something you were looking for. Is there a precedent for what to do when someone takes something that isn’t yours?

So, I am heading back to the bread aisle to stand next to the cart for when the guy realizes his cart is not with him at check-out. For a second I see my familiar pile of yogurt, bananas, and Greenwise brand cookies. I walk up to the man, and politely say “Hey, were you just in the bread aisle? Cause you have my cart.” I’ve never seen a man so embarrassed and flustered. I would have felt bad for him, if he hadn’t just taken my cart. He was mortified. Not so much as to stop him from getting the wine he wanted from that aisle, but enough so that this story would never be told except by me, over and over and over again.


This really made my day so much better.