Archives for category: Journal

My mom’s continued generosity has extended to the rest of the dark value cloth, and a cloth cutting tool from a thrift shop, though I might still try and use her fancier ones if she’ll let me, hah. There was a period of panic as we couldn’t find the magazine my design was in, I just had picture on my phone of it, and need to trace the actual squares from a page to get the right size. After a week or two it surfaced, thankfully. The design makes references to early 2000’s internet culture and that entertains me each time I see it, it’s the main reason I choose the quilt. Now that I have the cloth, and the design I should get some pictures to update on here. I’ll include a picture of the design, and why it entertains me then.

 

There is paper-piecing involved in this quilt, so right now I am just waiting on the foundation paper in the mail before I begin to learn how to piece the squares. Usually I begin with simpler goals, but this it still exciting.

On a trip helping my mom to visit friends we stopped at a good quilting store. She is excited I want to learn to quilt, and very generously bought me ~5yards of cloth. So now I have all the medium value cloth I need. All I have to work on now is find the dark value cloth. I’ll post the pattern and some pictures of the cloth as soon as I figure out how to get the wordpress app working on my phone again hah.

I found a quilting pattern I’ll be trying out. I’ve enjoyed knitting since I was a teenager and I think it’d be nice to learn another fabric craft. First I’m figuring out how to go about finding and buying the fabric I want to use. Thankfully my mom loves quilting and I am going to be spending lots of time with her over the next month or so.

I didn’t update here about it, but I did Inktober last year, it was lots of fun and kinda silly cause mine were scribbles of my ideas. I’ll do it again this coming year and maybe someday even use this blog productively 😛

He walks into the coffee shop and walks up to the register. It’s his favorite place in town, all of them. His second home. He barely knows the barista standing there and for a second panics as he looks for the names. He looks around his memories and before he finds them his eye catches a board with skinny modern retro polaroids with people posing as naturally as they can with names scribbled on the grips with a sharpie. Lincoln, that’s his name. He’s seen him before and enjoyed their conversation. The context flowing back he feels guilty for losing that one detail or which name floating in his mind is connected to him and so he has no idea what drink he wants when the small talk runs out and it is time to choose. He goes with a latte and notices Theo walking towards the doors through the giant floor to ceiling glass front of the store.

Now he can’t find his wallet. He keeps looking and looking through the same pockets. Patting himself down like a criminal. Stepping to the side so Theo can order it becomes a battle of friendliness. Just as he says for the other to go ahead he finds his wallet. It only took reaching in the same pocket five times in a row to realize it was a wallet and not a glucometer. He pays for his order a bit quicker than normal. Excited to see friends but nervous and in the way, in his mind.

Sitting at the coffee bar they talk about couches, art, and graduating from college. Eventually they get into a discussion of Old Boy and Youtubers and Sincerity. Can you choose to be sincere? He talks about how he doesn’t believe you can and how listening to Alan Watts influenced most of his thoughts on the topic. Maybe Jesse will take his sofa away though. It’s a good conversation and they part ways.

 

Descriptive writing, changed names because I felt like it.

Probably not, but I am going to write something anyways. I’ve been doing some of the Gymnastic Strength stuff each week. Not as much as I’d like, but I always have high expectations. Gotta grab some health insurance this next month or 2 so I bet I’ll have something to write about my experience with that.

In the mean time, here are some random things I have learned recently:

  • Hold a Stretch for at least 2 minutes.
  • Check out Sleep Cycles by Neat Beats
  • Confronting people in person, briefly, about dropping out of text conversations gets them to start responding.
  • It doesn’t feel like much to pace for 2.5 miles in your own home.
  • Living near Ducks is very satisfying.

When I get really Depressed I have a tactic that almost always works. I sit down and start making a list that will define the morning of my day. It is a morning routine that I plan in minute detail. It works even better when there is a nighttime routine also.

Last time I made it I had 28 steps to follow on a sheet of paper I kept next to my bed. I followed every step without thought during the next 2 hours and by the end I was confident, accomplished valuable daily goals, and fed for work. After 4~5 days I felt okay again and stopped following the plan so I could spend more time with my Girlfriend at night. There have been times where I lived this way for months.

One of my big challenges is finding a way to do something like this while having a significant other. I value people over systems, but the system is perhaps the most important tool I have for fighting depression. Honestly, that is a topic that might take years to figure out. Right now I have something else in mind.

I’m not sad enough to follow my routine.

A weird idea, right? However, I find that I am happy enough right now that it isn’t this do or die importance pushing me to sit-up and drink water and start the routine. I wake up or go to bed whenever because things will be alright and nothing terrible is going to happen if I don’t. I’m not going to spend the day in bed, or miss too many meals, or lose my job cause I didn’t follow the routine. If I were depressed and struggling, then I’d also be forcing myself to hold onto the routine by my finger-tips just to keep my lifestyle afloat until calmer times.

I need a way to connect those darker times to why I follow a routine whenever I have the chance to follow one. If I could just make the routine my Default way of living through the first 2 hours of my day. I bet I could also cut down on the time depression steals from me.

I was listening to a podcast interview of Seth Godin by Tim Ferriss and they were talking about how to write well. Seth mentioned starting and regularly writing in a blog. He clearly meant writing a blog to say things about the world and how things will turn out, but I’m not ready to do that yet. It did make me want to write more often. Write more terrible stuff. So eventually I will write something good.

Paragraphs and Poems

Laying in my bed I was thinking about the first time I learned how to write a paragraph. Really the beginning of my learning to write anything that wasn’t just practice of how to write a letter or learn grammar.

A paragraph begins with a statement of it’s purpose. After that you write about supporting ideas, which I think of as premises, that make that statement a reality. Finally, the paragraph wraps up what it said in some sort of synthesis, and has to be three sentences long.

I really enjoyed sitting and thinking about the first time I learned about paragraphs. I have no idea where I was other than guessing by the school I went to etc. etc.. However, I can almost hear the voice of the woman explaining it to me. I wonder how many times people think about these sorts of things? Do published authors think back to when they learned the structure of a paragraph, or the first time they were required to think up their own 5-paragraph essay?

I think about whether there is anything more complex, in prose, other than the paragraph. Essays work in a similar structure. Research Papers have the same Thesis, Premises/Evidence, and Synthesis. Poems are entirely different. Fiction even does a similar activity with foreshadowing and other devices. I’ve written poetry. I’ve attempted to finish many research papers on-time. I kept excellent journals. Almost the only thing I’ve written in most categories, besides things you could actually make money from, and I often feel like you are always writing a Paragraph or a Poem.

Just felt like writing something on here. I’ve been building some habits over the last month. Mostly I am back on the wagon with daily meditation. Usually 20~30 minutes a day but I got up to an hour today.

Been planning a workout and nutrition plan for Spring, so I can jump onto something as soon as the we reach the equinox. As I did in the Winter, I am basing my exercise and health on Taoist health practices from The Yellow Emperor’s Classic. Mostly that meant doing almost nothing in Winter. Now I need to build flexibility and endurance. I am not certain what that will include other than that I am interested in using HIIT principles or workouts.

Thankfully today I did not wake up with a low glucose. So I didn’t wake up feeling like I was dying his time. It was nice.

I learned some more Japanese. Finally Pronounced Schuykill Sandwich correctly. Saw some of my good friends at the coffee shop.

I am going to start eating really boring meals in order to practice some stoicism. I got into a habit of making really great beans and meat bowls last year. However now I won’t eat the beans without that 1-2 hour process. So I am just going to have beans with salt, and maybe some bacon grease I have saved up from my last package of bacon. Once I finish my current loaf of bread and gallon of milk I will try doing a more strict idea of stoic meals.

http://theancientwisdomproject.com/2014/02/stoicism-day-12-the-stoics-would-not-instagram-their-meals/

Well, things have changed, but not much internally. I still don’t have direction, despite looking for it. I stopped writing here, and that is a shame. So, for now, I’ll just write my thoughts and not try too hard to write well as long as I post more often.

There is one thing I have been keeping up with. I am still studying Japanese using the Fluent Forever system. I am enjoying myself and am finally moving from the Pronunciation Trainer stage to the Vocabulary stage. Kanji is hard, but much more fun than English letters and words.

I fell out of both my practice of meditation and my workout routine, and really almost every routine I had. Despite that my Glucose levels have been in-range for longer than any point in the past 10-15 years.

I’m writing this post to get started and also because I am a little worried that I might be going into another cycle of depression soon. Hopefully writing will help me stay out of it and remind me of things I am getting done. I mean, before I wrote this post I had forgotten how well I am doing with Japanese and Glucose Averages, so it seems to be working.

I hope everyone who reads this is having a good Holiday Season 🙂

Websites:

https://fluent-forever.com/