I want to develop a magic system. I’ve been listening to The Adventure Zone Podcast when I drive recently. Since I’ve been on a bit of a road trip, there is more time to think and listen to podcasts. I love the imagery in video games and anime and described in DnD. I think it would be fun to develop my own system of magically attacks or effects. I have so many creative interests, that I’m not sure how to collect this together much less anything else.

Why is writing things hard? I sat down to write a short little thing about how I dislike when people call their animals stupid or say mean things to them in a sweet voice. It creeps me out and makes me wonder how they’d treat me if I were even nearly as important to them as their dog.

Instead I wrote the first two sentences a couple times over and every time it sounded preachy and accusatory. Neither of which are good tones for encouraging people to be more compassionate in all their speech or else it’ll happen to them when it matters. Now I am actually writing that idea out and not so much talking about how it’s hard to just sit down and write.

These two things, how you will be better off speaking with compassion to anyone you care about, Homo Sapiens or otherwise, and how writing is hard have nothing to do with each other. Being compassionate has mindfulness integral to it’s practice. Writing is next to impossible to do if you don’t just throw it out there and piece it together later.

That’s why I started with the thought ringing in my head. Why is writing things hard? Now I am writing.

My mom’s continued generosity has extended to the rest of the dark value cloth, and a cloth cutting tool from a thrift shop, though I might still try and use her fancier ones if she’ll let me, hah. There was a period of panic as we couldn’t find the magazine my design was in, I just had picture on my phone of it, and need to trace the actual squares from a page to get the right size. After a week or two it surfaced, thankfully. The design makes references to early 2000’s internet culture and that entertains me each time I see it, it’s the main reason I choose the quilt. Now that I have the cloth, and the design I should get some pictures to update on here. I’ll include a picture of the design, and why it entertains me then.

 

There is paper-piecing involved in this quilt, so right now I am just waiting on the foundation paper in the mail before I begin to learn how to piece the squares. Usually I begin with simpler goals, but this it still exciting.

On a trip helping my mom to visit friends we stopped at a good quilting store. She is excited I want to learn to quilt, and very generously bought me ~5yards of cloth. So now I have all the medium value cloth I need. All I have to work on now is find the dark value cloth. I’ll post the pattern and some pictures of the cloth as soon as I figure out how to get the wordpress app working on my phone again hah.

I found a quilting pattern I’ll be trying out. I’ve enjoyed knitting since I was a teenager and I think it’d be nice to learn another fabric craft. First I’m figuring out how to go about finding and buying the fabric I want to use. Thankfully my mom loves quilting and I am going to be spending lots of time with her over the next month or so.

I didn’t update here about it, but I did Inktober last year, it was lots of fun and kinda silly cause mine were scribbles of my ideas. I’ll do it again this coming year and maybe someday even use this blog productively 😛

I decided to do Inktober. However I have very little technical skills in drawing. I just want to participate. So it is going to be more thinking of how to interpret the prompts so I can actually draw something I enjoy. I am mostly doing it on instagram. I figure I should include here as well. I’ll likely write more of my thoughts behind the drawing, since I have way more of those than actual drawings.

I had movers come in, pack the last stuff I hadn’t made it to yet and put everything in a storage container. It was nice. The movers were friendly and we got along. It made me realize that almost all of my anxiety about packing was due to trying to do so much of it on my own. From now on I’ll just have packing parties and empty any alcohol bottles I have and eat up as much of my food as I have by feeding anyone who comes over.

Finding direction is going to be strange, because I am skilled in a number of areas that are all interesting to me. Now I have to work on either getting more certification, or make a living with something that just works off my fresh Psychology degree. The most difficult aspect, I predict, will be dealing with the impatience of my peers or loved ones. People have expectations they are comfortable with and ideas about success they believe in that are often excellent for their lives, but rarely extend to the people close to them even if they work for many people in the world. Because I have often pitched the idea of teaching social and communication skills, as my favorite cousin puts it “soft skills”, with great responses and at inopportune times gotten offers to be paid for such courses. I think I will start with pursuing that angle.

He walks into the coffee shop and walks up to the register. It’s his favorite place in town, all of them. His second home. He barely knows the barista standing there and for a second panics as he looks for the names. He looks around his memories and before he finds them his eye catches a board with skinny modern retro polaroids with people posing as naturally as they can with names scribbled on the grips with a sharpie. Lincoln, that’s his name. He’s seen him before and enjoyed their conversation. The context flowing back he feels guilty for losing that one detail or which name floating in his mind is connected to him and so he has no idea what drink he wants when the small talk runs out and it is time to choose. He goes with a latte and notices Theo walking towards the doors through the giant floor to ceiling glass front of the store.

Now he can’t find his wallet. He keeps looking and looking through the same pockets. Patting himself down like a criminal. Stepping to the side so Theo can order it becomes a battle of friendliness. Just as he says for the other to go ahead he finds his wallet. It only took reaching in the same pocket five times in a row to realize it was a wallet and not a glucometer. He pays for his order a bit quicker than normal. Excited to see friends but nervous and in the way, in his mind.

Sitting at the coffee bar they talk about couches, art, and graduating from college. Eventually they get into a discussion of Old Boy and Youtubers and Sincerity. Can you choose to be sincere? He talks about how he doesn’t believe you can and how listening to Alan Watts influenced most of his thoughts on the topic. Maybe Jesse will take his sofa away though. It’s a good conversation and they part ways.

 

Descriptive writing, changed names because I felt like it.

Whenever I have a day or week where I am on a roll and getting stuff done, eventually I hit a day where I have to slow down and do different work. For years I’ve felt guilty whenever this inevitably happens. I flare up with activity, and then ash out around where I am getting excited about how productive I’ve been. Today is one of those days. However, unlike the years before I’ve been able to maintain a peace of mind. I’ve been doing better and better about sitting for regular meditation. I think it is what has given me the space to be okay with slowing down. I still got important things done today, and I am writing this, for instance. I think in the past I was too devoted to productive days being an all-or-nothing issue. The day was either a success or failure, while now these slow days are when I have to look for other ways to keep myself moving on my goals. Today has been good for research and for moving things around that haven’t needed much decision making longterm plans. Getting the in-between things done so that when the wind picks back up I will just be able to raise my sails and move on.

I am moving out of my apartment. “I am not too good at moving,” I keep thinking. Packing my stuff away reminds me of how much stuff I still own. Which reminds me of how hard a time I have with letting go of my possessions. It is hard not to judge myself for this after so many years reading spiritual texts that constantly encourage the relinquishment of physical attachments. However at the same time it is gratifying to see my things ordered and arranged. Each thing in it’s place. Finally. I wonder if it is easier to discard the things that have served their purpose in my life when they are organized like this. It may be more difficult because of how the options are hidden. It reminds me of the idea that it is easier to make some decisions one by one. I think that non-attachment might be like that with items, for me personally. When I see it all laid out I feel like I am getting rid of a part of a whole thing and making it less of a thing. When I am choosing books out of a box they are just items I am shopping through. It helps a bunch that some of my friends are minimalists. They are always inspiring me to let go and give away. It reminds me how nice it is for the person receiving when ever they give me a gift and be association how good it would feel to be the person giving the gift.

If my plans go well, I may be moving to a whole different country. I can barely imagine what it is like to move with just a suitcase of your favorite cloths and maybe a few keepsakes. More about that if it approaches reality any time soon.