Archives for posts with tag: depression

When I get really Depressed I have a tactic that almost always works. I sit down and start making a list that will define the morning of my day. It is a morning routine that I plan in minute detail. It works even better when there is a nighttime routine also.

Last time I made it I had 28 steps to follow on a sheet of paper I kept next to my bed. I followed every step without thought during the next 2 hours and by the end I was confident, accomplished valuable daily goals, and fed for work. After 4~5 days I felt okay again and stopped following the plan so I could spend more time with my Girlfriend at night. There have been times where I lived this way for months.

One of my big challenges is finding a way to do something like this while having a significant other. I value people over systems, but the system is perhaps the most important tool I have for fighting depression. Honestly, that is a topic that might take years to figure out. Right now I have something else in mind.

I’m not sad enough to follow my routine.

A weird idea, right? However, I find that I am happy enough right now that it isn’t this do or die importance pushing me to sit-up and drink water and start the routine. I wake up or go to bed whenever because things will be alright and nothing terrible is going to happen if I don’t. I’m not going to spend the day in bed, or miss too many meals, or lose my job cause I didn’t follow the routine. If I were depressed and struggling, then I’d also be forcing myself to hold onto the routine by my finger-tips just to keep my lifestyle afloat until calmer times.

I need a way to connect those darker times to why I follow a routine whenever I have the chance to follow one. If I could just make the routine my Default way of living through the first 2 hours of my day. I bet I could also cut down on the time depression steals from me.

Well, things have changed, but not much internally. I still don’t have direction, despite looking for it. I stopped writing here, and that is a shame. So, for now, I’ll just write my thoughts and not try too hard to write well as long as I post more often.

There is one thing I have been keeping up with. I am still studying Japanese using the Fluent Forever system. I am enjoying myself and am finally moving from the Pronunciation Trainer stage to the Vocabulary stage. Kanji is hard, but much more fun than English letters and words.

I fell out of both my practice of meditation and my workout routine, and really almost every routine I had. Despite that my Glucose levels have been in-range for longer than any point in the past 10-15 years.

I’m writing this post to get started and also because I am a little worried that I might be going into another cycle of depression soon. Hopefully writing will help me stay out of it and remind me of things I am getting done. I mean, before I wrote this post I had forgotten how well I am doing with Japanese and Glucose Averages, so it seems to be working.

I hope everyone who reads this is having a good Holiday Season 🙂


I’ve been depressed so I stopped writing these. I don’t remember what workouts I did last week. This week I decided to change up my program some more in order to have some endurance aspect to my week and also because I don’t really like any of the ab exercises available. So I changed to Kettlebell swings on Wednesdays. I figure it exercises the core enough for me anyways.


On Monday I did this:


3:40 Incline Push-ups

1:10 Kneeling Push-ups

30 Full Squats

2:20 Close Squats

I could do an Uneven Squat on my right leg but not my left.


I am glad I reached the progression standard for both squats and Push-ups. I think I will progress pretty fast with the push-ups, or I hope so. I lost about 6 lbs of muscle from being depressed the last 2 weeks. I’m not sure how that is going to slow me down. It will take me a while to move forward on the squats. I have been thinking about how to make up for muscle imbalances in my legs, and for the future with one-sided exercises. My plan is to do the first effort, and then the next work out always start with the side that could do the least. That way each leg or arm is only moving at the pace of the weaker side.

So, I did 1rep on my right leg, but no complete reps on my left. Next workout I start with my left leg. If I am able to go down, but not up, then I do the same on my right side. I do this until my left leg can do one. If later on I can do 4 on my left but only 3 on my right I will switch on the following workout.